Gildarts' Talk
by WhatifStoryTeller
Summary: Natsa (Fem!Natsu) started puberty, and it's left for the adults (perverts) in the guild to answer her questions and get her to wear her bra. Sometime down the time, it's up to Gildarts to give her the talk, the bird and the bees. Bonus pieces: Reedus, Wakaba, and Macao having the talk with her! Fem!Natsu Oneshot NatsuxGildarts Fluff! Mild language


**Warning: boobies, bird and bees, Gildarts, and sake! The best combination! **

Natsa stood in front of the elder man. She was only eleven years old, as well as Gray and a few others in the guild. In her hand was a plain white bra that she held by the straps.

Makarov paced back and forth on his desk. With each shift, he kept his eyes off the young girl. A slight blush planted his cheeks as he tried to explain the clothing to her.

"Why do I even need this?" she grumbled as she lifted up the bra into the air. Master's shoulders slumped as he just went over this with the pink haired girl, but she listened to none of it.

"It's for your...growing chest," he tried to stay away from vulgar words, such as breasts, boobs, boobies, and lady lumps. He started to get a nose bleed from just thinking about women's lovely lumps.

Master slipped on the pool of blood, as Natsa threw the bra on top of him and left Master's office. He moaned and lifted his head up, "Why must I be left with these things?"

He was left in charge of the orphans within the guild, which also meant he needed to teach the youngsters about their growing parts. Unlike with the males, he was having a hard time with the girls.

Natsa leaned against the wall with a blush lining her cheeks. She couldn't believe she had to wear a bra now. Why can't she be like Gray? Without the stripping habit…

She groaned as the door opened and slammed onto her face. "Watch it, Old man!" she shouted as Makarov walked out with blood smeared under his nose.

"Oh, so you are still here," he gave a small smile. He was certain Natsa was already walking out of the guild from him trying to teach her these things. He turned around and looked over the railing at other guild members.

"Every adult, in the back room!" he called out to his guild members. He turned back and left Natsa on the second floor as he walked into the grand room in the back of the guild; which was used for discussions.

His eyes dropped as he looked at all of the adults in the room. Macao had Romeo over his shoulder as he patted the baby's back while Wakaba shook his head at the single father.

Gildarts lipped his cup of sake to his lips as he sat down in a chair and placed his feet on the table. Reedus took the seat next to him with his slim figure. Master sighed. Why did the guild have so many old guys and not woman?!

He cursed in his mind. Too bad Enno wasn't around...

"I have an important task at hand," Master stated and paused in hopes that sparked their attention. Gildarts shifted in his seat and laid his cup on the table. His eyes followed Master as he jumped on the table.

"What kind of task?" Gildarts questioned. The other three ears peeked as Master started to pace down the table. He keeps muttering "Hm...Um..." over and over. "What is it?" Gildarts questioned once more, getting Master attention.

"Which one of you has more experience with woman?" He knew imminently that was the wrong way to phase it as each of them pointed to themselves; expect Reedus, who had his finger pointing at Gildarts.

The red haired man sat back in his seat and laughter filled the wrong. "What's wrong, Master? Got some lady problems?" He winked at the old man. He didn't even know the old goon still had it in him.

'You have no idea...' Master thought. At least all of them seemed more willing to help, so he figured to play along. He paused in front of the red haired man. "Yeah...it and it's one of our own."

"Shouldn't be no problem for me." Gildarts shrugged his shoulders as if nothing. While in school, females were his best subject and the results still showed to this day. "Who's the lucky lady?"

Reedus turned in his seat as if he wished he was out of the room. While the other males, Wakaba and Macao, were fighting over who was the better lover. Master opened his mouth and looked Gildarts straight in the eye, "Natsa."

Wakaba and Macao paused in their fight as Romeo was hanging upside down. Reedus blushed as he pushed his chair away from the others. Gildarts did a spit take with his sake, spitting it all out on Master's face. "WHAT?!"

Makarov hummed, "Puberty. She started growing...and won't listen to a word from me. Which is why I've called you all here, but it seems like Gildarts has it all in the bag."

He turned back to look at the red hair, but his chair was empty. Gildarts raced out of the door into the guild hall, away from the meeting of perverts. "Get back here!" Makarov raced after him.

The veteran mage pulled a quest on the billboard, "I won't be back in 100 years!" He smiled. By then all of the girls inside of the guild would be pass this stage; hopefully. And then he didn't need to explain none of it.

"You already accepted! It's too late now!" The youngsters of the guild turned to watch as Master raced around to catch Gildarts. None of them had a clue what was happening.

Soon, Gildarts was caught and tied in ropes. Master leaned against the stairwell and panted as the three adults walked to him. Macao clapped his hands together, and grabbed Romeo in time before he fell. "Do a good job!" he teased.

"Remember, don't rotten her brain for life! She listens to every word!" Wakaba smiled as he pulled his arm around Gildarts shoulders. If he tried teasing the mage any other times, he would have ended up cut into blocks.

"You do know I can kill any one of you guys right now," he stated without glancing at Wakaba; who backed away and hid behind Macao. Gildarts stared at the four with unkindly thoughts.

Reedus sighed in relief. He couldn't possibility teach anyone about puberty. Master turned his back, "Go grab ten barrels of sake, Natsa, and...a bra in my office."

"A BRA IN YOUR OFFICE! YOU OLD PERVERT!" Macao shouted at Master. Romeo smiled as he was flung over Macao's shoulders at Wakaba, who caught him in time.

"Make that twenty barrels of sake," Master corrected himself as he turned away from the madness. Reedus soon collected the items, and Natsa, stubbornly, went along with Gildarts to his house.

The two opened the door, and Natsa went inside. "What about we don't do the talk, and say we did?" He suggested as he set his twenty barrels of sake on the floor. At least he was getting something out of this.

"Oi, Gildarts, where do babies come from?" Natsa tilted her head to the side. Gildarts stood in the middle of his stood with a crooked smile. Looks like even if he didn't want to, he had to tell her these things.

He held up the bra in-between his fingers; he had no clue what Master has done to it. "You see this? It's a bra," he lifted it over his chest; "It's for your boobs."

He dared not to look down at Natsa's growing chest, but the girl already lifted over her nose to look at them. He rolled his eyes at her antics. "But I don't have any!" she stated as she pulled her shirt down.

"They will be growing in for the next few years." He answered as the bra dropped from one of his hands.

"How do you wear it?"

There was no way he was going to place it on Natsa. No matter what. He wasn't that kind of pervert. He groaned in annoyance and took off his shirt. "Don't mention this to anybody."

She nodded as he lifted the pads over his pecks and tried getting his arms through the strands. Natsa bent over and laughed, much to Gildarts' dismay. "Don' laugh!" he shouted.

Her hand covered her mouth as she looked back at Gildarts; tears were forming around her eyelids. He sighed and turned around. "You see the buckles? Right? Well, if I actually fit this, the straps come together."

He looked into the mirror. He didn't look that bad in it...He was a man. He shouldn't have thoughts like this. He took the bra off, with lots of trouble, and handed the bra back to Natsa. "Gildarts...do I have to wear _this_ bra?"

"Why? Don't like my manly scents?" He tried to humor himself, but it only ended up depressing him. His fist cracked the first barrel and he drank. He needed this more than ever.

Soon seven barrels were emptied and Natsa sat cross-legged on the ground. He was getting to the point of being drunk as he finished his eight barrel. "Now...you know about the bird and the bees?"

"No."

"Good. C'uz it's all lies!" he raised his index finger. "Once your boobies start growing in and you get a big booty, guys will be all over you. And they will want to fuck."

"Fuck?"

He raised his palm to her head and sweat started to drip on the ground. "Oh shit! Don't repeat that! Oh shit, shit, shit shit! That's a cuss word and ya shouldn't know about those!"

"But I should know about fucking?" she tilted her head. Something didn't seem right, but she just shrugged.

"Yeah. Fucking. Making love. Sex. All of those words!"

"Sex?" she questioned once more.

He tried thinking of words to explain it, "That's when the man puts his wily into your silly hole!"

"Willy? Who's Willy?" she glanced around the room as if this Willy man would appear.

"Oh, Willy's not a person." He itch his head and tried once again to explain it.

Nineteen emptied barrels later...

"But! Wait until your boobies grow in...unless if you don't want ch. Whichever you like..." his eyelids closed. Gildarts snored as he leaned back in his seat. A bra was tied over his shoulder, covering one of his pecks. A snot bubble grew out of his nose with each snore.

"Thanks for the talk!" Natsa smiled as she left the small house.

...

Master raised his cup to his hairy lip and drank. He could only think of what was happening with Natsa and Glidarts, but he gotten his answer once the door to the guild slammed opened and Natsa walked inside.

She glanced around the room. "Natsa," he called her over.

"Yeah?" she asked.

"What did you learn?"

She hummed for a minute, "Nothing."

Master's head fell onto the table.

She wasn't wearing her bra.

And soon the table rocked back and forth as Master banged his head against it. "Master-san, something wrong?" a young Elfman questioned.

"No...not at all..." He raised his head, Natsa already left to play with her firneds within the guild.

"Okay..." the small boy turned around and left him alone.

Too bad there weren't other females in the guild to give Natsa the talk.

Mirajane.

Erza.

"WHY DIDN"T I THINK ABOUT THAT BEFORE?!" he shouted. Everyone turned to stare at him with confused expressions. He didn't let that bother him as he went up to the two raging females.

Which was a bad idea.

He walked right into their fight as they both punched him.

Weren't there any normal females in his guild?! He thought as he fell back.

**Before we end, wonder what will happen if the others gotten in charge of teaching Natsa? Well, here you go!**

**Macao and the Talk**

He sat down in the room as Romeo snuggled up to his chest. In his other hand was a bottle of sake that he opened with his teeth. "Okay, Natsa-chan, this is a very important talk."

"Yeah?" she raised one of her eyebrows at the old blue haired man.

His knee started to shake as he gulped. This is why he loved the fact he had a son and not a daughter. "Well, you see...hun...when you get older and stuff...your body's changing."

"Iceblock's too?" she asked.

"Yup...so hopefully soon he will stop stripping.."

"That won't happen," she cocked her head to the side.

"Yup, I know." He nodded his head and looked at the book shelf, "Well, you see...this bra." He took a hold of the plain bra and lifted it in front of Natsa's face, "This bra is to support your boobs."

"But won't it get in the way of fighting?"

"I...really don't know," he shrugged, "Probably not...Erza and Mirajane don't seem to have a problem with it."

"They wear bras?!" she shouted.

He pounded his fist onto the wooden arm, "Of course! All girls do!"

"Then I'm not a girl! I'm not wearing a bra!"

"You have too! It's for support! If you don't then your boobs will be jigging..." Blood started to run from his nose.

"No!"

"Yeah!"

She took a hold of the bra, which he thought was a good thing, but her hands turned into fire and the fabric burned. "Too late." She started to turn, but Romeo's laugh stopped her. "Hey...Macao...where do babies come from?"

His eyes grow in sizes and he ran out the room. When asked by others what he was doing, he responded by, "I'm going on a 100 year quest with Gildarts!"

And thus, he and his baby ran out of the guild.

Master watched as Natsa's teacher ran away, "I told you so..." he mumbled under his breath, "That she was a handful..."

Natsa walked out of the room next with her head tilted to the side and she shrugged. She wore no bra; which was the main reason for sending Macao in.

Macao and the talk: failure.

**Wakaba and the Talk**

"It makes your boobies bigger," he pinched the fabric. "They push them up," he positioned his two hands on his pecks to mimic, which ended with Natsa going, "What...?"

"Heh...nevermind. Just wear it," he shrugged and threw the bra at her. Within a second, he left the room without glancing behind.

Natsa looked down at the bra and placed the straps over her ears. Wearing the bra as a hat, she ran out of the room with a childish smile. Wakaba's mouth jar as he watched the girl. "What?!"

"I'm wearing the bra! Just like you said!" She smiled kindly and raced around Gray, which annoyed the young boy. And soon the two children gotten into a fight with the bra as they both pulled on it.

Master shook his head and looked at what was left of the adults.

Wakaba and the talk: failure.

**Reedus and the Talk**

The slim guy stood against the wall with a blush against his cheeks. The small pink haired girl looked at him with wide curious eyes. "Uh..." he turned and tried to open the door, which was locked from the outside.

His eyes went into panic mode as he raced within the room looking for an escape.

"Are you going to tell me about bras or what?" Natsa questioned.

He turned back and gazed at the small girl, and then his face turned red as a tomato. "Uh..."

Natsa pouted and sat down, "This is boring..." she moaned.

Reedus gulped as he picked up the bra with one finger. How could it explain it? He had no clue. "Uh..." he uttered once again. Then, he had gotten an idea. He took out his pen and went over to a wear, where he started to draw a naked human.

It came alive and stood in front of the small girl. It had no features, other than the simple outline of a human. "Well...you see, Natsa...chan...a bra..." he picked up the clothing once more and placed it over the chest of the alive-drawing, "Goes over...your...chest...and...um...you fasten it from behind."

"Why do I need to wear it?" She repeated her question once more.

He stood there tongue-tied as his fingers were knotted in-between the buckles of the bra. His forehead wrinked up as his eyebrows raised in sweat. "To...cover...up?"

"I thought a shirt was for that."

"Uh..." he fell over onto the ground.

"Reedus!" Natsa shouted, which gotten Master's attention from outside of the room.

He kicked the door opened, and gulped. Reedus fainted on the ground. Others pass Master to get to Reedus' side and take him to the infirmary. Master shook his head, "He fainted...?! Over a talk?!" he shouted at the ceiling.

Reedus and the talk: FAIL

**Okay...now that's the end. Thanks for reading this and the bonus pieces! This is six years into the past, so Romeo is a baby with Macao being a signle dad. Reedus is slim because he hasn't asked Master to transform him...and this is why Glidarts accepted a 100 year quest in the first place..totally... This is mostly taken from "Newborn" where Wendy wants to know, but instead, Natsa learns! Feedback is welcomed!  
**


End file.
